I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
