im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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