I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
