I CAN MOONWALK!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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