i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
