3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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