Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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