I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
vagina is talking i cant
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
