i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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