that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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