all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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