Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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