she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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