yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
