Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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