happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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