direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I won't apologize to a one balled man
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going