i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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