So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
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Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.