Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.

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  (850): So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/g8du
  Replies (8) Good night (741) Bad night (2575)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  i will never coherently bang her

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  (207): i will never coherently bang her http://tfl.nu/z0d8
  Replies (6) Good night (677) Bad night (3038) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??

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  (636): they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach?? http://tfl.nu/tf8e
  Replies (21) Good night (1206) Bad night (4625) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

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  (781): I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy. http://tfl.nu/bakf
  Replies (43) Good night (2233) Bad night (7323) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive

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  (804): i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive http://tfl.nu/za3r
  Replies (1) Good night (2763) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.

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  (406): she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over. http://tfl.nu/abn4
  Replies (8) Good night (3100) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy

  (530): View more from California

  I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast

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  (760): But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy (530): I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast http://tfl.nu/lbbf
  Replies (11) Good night (3053) Bad night (410)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees

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  (+44): I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees http://tfl.nu/l68t
  Replies (6) Good night (611) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...

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  (336): Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text... http://tfl.nu/pmgt
  Replies (5) Good night (1772) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.

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  (678): I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos. http://tfl.nu/fnmm
  Replies (7) Good night (894) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?

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  (810): Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july? http://tfl.nu/yisd
  Replies (6) Good night (1138) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.

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  (920): i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat" (763): and this is why you're my favorite gay friend. http://tfl.nu/djrx
  Replies (6) Good night (1330) Bad night (455)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.

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  (563): I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word. http://tfl.nu/iv5v
  Replies (9) Good night (753) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass

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  (813): I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass http://tfl.nu/xapu
  Replies (7) Good night (846) Bad night (277) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed

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  (717): so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed http://tfl.nu/ot6x
  Replies (1) Good night (398) Bad night (192) Order T-Shirt

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