It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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