She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
