I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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