Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
