I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
