it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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