I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
