Can i not drive my cunt home
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
