i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Everything about him screamed your future.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
