so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
