Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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