after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
