the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
