The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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