we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
