I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize