wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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