i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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