I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
