apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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