Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
