Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
