Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
