Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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