Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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