he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
