I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
