bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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