So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
