I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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