He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
