I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
