Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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