Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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