it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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