it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
