somebody snuck up and got me drunk
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
