just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
