I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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