this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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