so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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