so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
