His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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