i love accidental penises.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
