apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
