Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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