who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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