alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come see our sink grown plant.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize