I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
